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Adryenn Ashley: The Unapologetic Sandwich

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There's currently a generation facing the difficult task of caring for both children and aging parents.

Adryenn Ashley is part of that phenomenon dubbed the "sandwich generation"; middle-aged individuals who are “sandwiched” between their aging parents and their growing children.

The term has been around since 1981, when social worker Dorothy A. Miller coined the phrase to describe women in their thirties and forties who were taking care of their children while also juggling the needs of their parents or other family members, employers or friends. Since then, longer lifespan and adult children entering into independence at a later age have sandwiched men and women in their 30s, 40s and 50s between multiple generational responsibilities, though caregiving seems to fall more heavily on women.

Members of the sandwich generation are often unaware of their parents’ financial situation and assume that their parents are prepared for their “golden years.” According to the U.S. Administration on Aging (AoA), 65% of the elderly rely exclusively on family and friends to provide them with day-to-day assistance.

Take Ashley's situtation for instance. She spent almost a year unsuccessfully trying to procure funding for a new reality show about moviemaking.  Rather than admitting defeat and pursuing another project, she doubled down on her resolve and approached the problem from a different angle.

Ashley created a platform that allows for a deeper, authentic connection between show producers and show supporters.  While most television shows build a loyal following after an episode or two, programs funded through Crowded Reality have a large and personally invested fan base before the show premieres.  Ashley’s first show, Wake Up, went from idea to on-the-air in 4 months after Crowded Reality went live.

Ashley’s fast rise to success is extraordinary on its own, but she launched her ventures while homeschooling her twelve-year-old-son Jack and supporting her mother, who recently moved in with her.

For families like Ashley's, the economics strains can add up quickly and often times there is little help.

There is a widespread misapprehension that major medical and long-term care expenses are covered by Medicare. In fact, Medicare provides limited coverage for dental, visual, and hearing services, and limited care for chronic diseases like Alzheimer’s. And long-term care expenses? Medicare and Medigap coverage for skilled nursing home care is extremely limited, and Medicaid generally doesn’t cover full-time long-term care until the patient’s net worth has dwindled to a few thousand dollars.

One quarter of older adults incurred out-of-pocket medical services that exceeded the total value of their assets during a five-year period; forty-three percent incurred expenses that exceeded their assets, excluding the value of their homes. The staggering costs of in-home care, assisted living, and competent nursing home care are untenable for many families, women end up picking up the slack themselves, selling their homes or tapping into equity with reverse mortgages, a complicated financial process.

It doesn’t help that the cost of raising children has been slowly but steadily increasing. Caring for kids becomes more capital intensive as they enter college: the average cost of tuition and fees for the 2014-2015 school year was $9,139 for public colleges and universities and $31,231 for private. And then the kicker: according to the Pew Research Center, in 2012, a record 21.6 million Millennials (ages 18-31) lived in their parents’ homes. Rising college enrollment combined with declining employment and marriage rates places additional financial burden on parents.

Time is a commodity of which the sandwich generation never has enough. On top of part-time or full-time work, the average sandwich-generation woman spends 20 hours a week raising kids or caring for elderly family members. Time given to work and caregiving comes at an expense, leaving these women with increased stress levels and little time for exercising, sleeping, and other forms of self-care. As family members get older, the caregiver’s work often gets harder. Caregivers become responsible for bathing, dressing, and entertaining their aging parents, while working hard for extra income to meet the needs they are unable to provide personally.

An eldery man opens the door of his house in Havana on April 23, 2009. US President Barack Obama uses 'lies' to back up his refusal to change US policy toward Cuba and maintain the US economic embargo, former president Fidel Castro said. 'We would better understand the real limitations the new US president is facing to change his country's policy toward our homeland, if he didn't use lies to justify his actions,' Castro wrote in an opinion article that appeared in the government-run website cubadebate.com. AFP PHOTO/ADALBERTO ROQUE (Photo credit should read ADALBERTO ROQUE/AFP/Getty Images)

So what can the sandwich generation do financially to prepare for dual-generation care?

Ultimately, communication and planning are the keys to providing care without breaking the bank. You may want to avoid sitting down and having awkward conversations with your parents about money; however, if you intend to take charge of your parents’ care, talking to them about their financial situation is a good place to start.

Having the initial hard conversation is the first and most important step. Sit down with your parents and figure out where they stand financially. Have your parents organize a list of assets and debts, income and expenses, all insurance policies, wills, power-of-attorney assignment, and any other information that pertains to their finances and care preferences. This is the time where your parents should voice their preferences about how they want to spend the rest of their life, and about who they want making their legal and medical decisions for them if they become unable to do so themselves.

If you have siblings, bring them in the conversation. Unfortunately, it’s common that the care of aging parents falls on one sibling. Getting financial and emotional support from siblings can be difficult, but one should still ask.

There are other resources geared toward helping those supporting both their kids and parents, but, unfortunately, many middle-aged caregivers are not aware of the help that is out there. Websites like Caregiver.comoffer a comprehensive guide for caregivers, complete with financial tips and other links to online resources. Organizations like the National Council on Aging’s Benefits Checkup help caregivers find benefit programs to assist with paying for medication and food. The AoA offers a nationwide database that directs visitors to programs and services for the elderly, including health insurance counseling, legal assistance, protection from elder abuse, and long-term care.

Coping with multi-generational responsibilities by working from home

Members of the sandwich generation need innovative ways to cope with increasing responsibilities during midlife. One timesaving and cost-effective solution that helps those who are “sandwiched” in-between multiple responsibilities is to cut out the commute and work from home.  We can all learn a thing or two from women like Adryenn Ashley, who shares her story with others who are similarly “sandwiched.” I recently sat down with Ashley to discuss how she made her extensive home-based business a thriving success while dealing with the unique challenges of being a woman caught up in the sandwich generation.

Ashley is part of a growing population who chooses to work from home.  “An office would be great,” Ashley says, “but I use a lot of collaboration tools online.  I live on Skype and Facebook.  And people think it’s funny, but how do you run your business? It even says on my voicemail, you can find me faster on Facebook.”  Initially, she didn’t have much of a choice.  Building a startup means working from home.  “You have to,” she says, “because you just can’t afford the overhead.” Her lifestyle reminds us that working from home has many financial benefits: home-based employees keep more of their net earnings by cutting out transportation costs, the need to spend money on corporate wear, lunches out, daycare costs, and of course, the purchase or leasing of an office. Working from home made an enormous impact on Ashley’s bottom line. By the time other women are just arriving at work, Ashley is already a good two hours into her workday.

According to a study by globalworklaceanalytics.com, in 2013, one in five people in the U.S. worked out of their home.  And that number is rising, thanks to digital technology, social media, and that storage house of virtual information known as the “cloud,” all of which make remote work possible for over 30 million Americans. Those who take advantage of the work-from-home lifestyle are often people seeking ways to save both time and money so they can grow their businesses and leverage personal financial strategies. Working from home also seems to increase productivity, as workplace distractions are significantly minimized. Workplace meetings, phone calls, and long conversations by the watercooler are far more distracting, it seems, than household diversions like Friends reruns and dishes in the sink.

Ashley’s desire is to teach people how to access their unique strengths in order to build a business plan that will increase profitability through various revenue streams, marketing tactics, and media relations. How did she market her own successful business?

“Word of mouth,” she says. She offers training classes and recently produced a television program called How to Create, Produce, Distribute, and Profit from your Own TV show. Those who have taken her courses or who personally know what she can offer are spreading the word about her products and services. Ashley deftly navigates Twitter, Facebook, and other forms of social media. She is online all day, interacting with others and posting updates.

“The key to profitability is the ability to work online remotely,” says Ashley. The internet with all its wonders allows her to keep virtual employees. She collaborates with her team like any manager, she just does it all online. And when she’s in need of a conference room? Ashley maintains a membership at a local country club where she can have free conference and event space. The country club sounds a lot more appealing than attending a meeting in an office building. “There’s a bunch of awesome things about working from home that people don’t understand,” Ashley says. She has dozens of tips and tricks for saving time and money. From tax deductions to apps that calculate mileage for you to writing off vacations, Ashley knows how to maximize the benefits of working virtually.

Ashley is also brutally honest about the challenges of working from home. When asked how she separates work and family life, Ashley explained, “I hit mute and scream at them to shut up, is what I do. There’s the god’s honest truth. You wanted no filter, transparent, what it’s like to really work at home. It means you shower less.”

When she’s not utilizing the mute button, Ashley is giving her child the education of a lifetime. “My son is ADD Aspergers 180 IQ, which means that he does not survive well in school,” she explained.  “He can do his entire day’s classwork though in a couple of hours instead of him being held hostage in class for eight hours and told he’s a bad kid, and to sit still.  So I opted to homeschool and teach him leadership and entrepreneurship skills.” Since the age of 5, Ashley’s son has been working right alongside his mother, planning shareholder meetings and learning the ins and outs of running a business. Now age 12, he may very well be on his way to becoming CEO of his own company.

Ashley is one of several entrepreneurs who talk about the realities of working from home, and how to takes advantage of the time- and cost-savings advantages of the work-at-home lifestyle in the free eBook, “The Modern Entrepreneur: Secrets to Building a Thriving Business from Home,” which I published with MoneyTips.